Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
