I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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