I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
