i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
