I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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