my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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