Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
