also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
