Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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