You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I believe in your delicious
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
