foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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