while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
