I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
