I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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