Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
