I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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