I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
