I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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