Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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