I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
