I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
