I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
