i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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