you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
