it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
