So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
