Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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