i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
