don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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