I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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