Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
