ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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