i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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