So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
