That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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