I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
