too bad you live with your parents still
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Four minutes until I can fart!
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
