idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
