apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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