Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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