she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize