My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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