bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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