I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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