Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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