Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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