I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
