dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
