you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
