I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
