I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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