Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
