We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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