She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
