My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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