should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
