I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
