So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize