11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
