I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
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You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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