I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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