i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
