I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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