Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
